Listen/purchase: Sweetest Surrender by Le Bas-fond
You know, this has almost been out for two weeks and I can honestly say, my heart and anxiety have not come down from it. This song comes from the purest, sincerest, most honest and most terrified part of my heart.
I’ve never, ever been this honest with myself before. I’ve never been this honest with my feelings for anyone else. I don’t want to feel scared. I don’t want to be brave. I want to feel safe, and I don’t. It’s just embarrassing to me to have these feelings. I don’t “get” feelings for other people. I don’t allow myself to feel this way about anyone.
This isn’t just a juvenile declaration of love to someone. This is about being afraid to love someone else after years of physical and sexual violence. I am so afraid. Afraid to let someone know who I really am. Afraid to have feelings I think are beneath me.
I am scared and disappointed because I feel like I made myself vulnerable for no reason. The person I wrote this for will probably never respond to me, and that scares me, too. Putting my whole heart on the edge like that— I can’t stand it. Thinking that this person probably judges me now, or doesn’t “get” what this is for me.
I actually hate this song. I can’t even listen to it.
And I would have thrown it away, if not for the critical response, which has been amazing. At little more than two minutes, this song brought tears to people when it was just in the lyrics stage. The response that came back again and again from both men and women was tears, and people begging me to finish this song and have it be on the record.
So it made it onto TOO POSH because I listened to you guys. I let myself get out voted. Which is also scary to me. The critical response and the emotional responses to this song remain incredible.